Updated: Mar 3, 2022
We all have had our share of conflicts with people, as children and as adults.
When we were younger, it was probably easier to just dismiss all unpleasantness between you and other people as their fault, their inability to understand you or their narrow mindedness etc. When we grow up, the challenges in managing people get more complicated.
Lets talk about some ways in which we can manage people and relationship conflicts better.
It's not about you, it's about them. People who are happy in their lives do not go about criticizing others or pulling them down. So, when someone says some unprovoked nonsense to you, or tries to make you feel guilty or uncomfortable, think about what is missing in their life that's making them behave this way. Also, what people say or believe is their problem, don't make it yours. It takes some practice to remember this but you can get there.
Surround yourself with people who encourage you to do bigger, better things or who believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself. Positive energy is the only counter for negative vibes around you. We pay attention to the bitter or negative people around us only when we don't have enough exciting things to look forward to instead. If you are able to keep yourself busy with things that excite you or make you happy, you will have little time for meaningless issues with people.
Learn something new everyday. It not only gives you a sense of achievement but also keeps you young and enthusiastic about life. You don't have to prove anything to anyone except your own self. Admiration and appreciation is always nice to have, we cannot deny that, but when you will make the time to learn/do new things on a regular basis, people will automatically notice. You don't have to try hard for any approval, it follows the people who just keep doing their thing.
Give more compliments to people. If you make up your mind to focus on what is good, you will see that there is something you can learn from everyone around you. Identify something good about the people you come across and be generous with your appreciation for those good qualities or actions. It will not only encourage them to exhibit more of those features/behavior but also increase your value for them. You will see a very welcome and favorable change in their attitude towards you if you pay them a genuine compliment.
Conflicts often leave us angry, disappointed or hurt. It would be impractical to suggest that you should not feel how they make you feel. However you feel is valid, for we are all humans, after all. But here's what can help you deal with those feelings better. Observe how you are feeling, talk to someone about it, or write about them. Getting them out of your system helps our mind and heart feel lighter and enables us to move on. When you are able to think more clearly, try to identify some lessons from that incident for yourself. What was your role in making that thing happen, however small or significant? What is it that you will do differently in future? If this would have happened to a friend, what would you suggest to them? Now use those answers to turn a bad situation into something useful. There's always something useful we can squeeze out of even the worst of our experiences if we evaluate them correctly.
Kindness is an important requirement for successfully managing people. No matter how annoying, ignorant or incapable the other person may appear, you must show them some kindness. Forgive them for their limitations in understanding sometimes, just like you forgive your own self when you make a mistake. Arrogance or pride never wins over people, but giving them the space and freedom to be their own imperfect self always keeps you in their good books. This may not be applicable for a professional circle, where someone's incompetency or lack of knowledge may cost you dearly. The rules of engagement are different in a professional setting, though kindness is a significant attribute in business leadership as well. In your personal life, however, sometimes rather than getting upset at someone, try being kind and forgiving of their shortcomings and life will become more peaceful as a result.